The Girl Behind Enemy Lines

Q:
There’s this girl. A close friend I’ve known since 2007. I like her. And it seems like she likes me. Or is fond of me. But she won’t date me because I used to date her friend. More and more I think she is the perfect match for me.  But because I dated her friend, she refuses to date me. What do I do?

– Sleepless in Seoraemaeul, 30

A:
Dear Sleepless,
We all know the importance of friendship in life, and that is especially true in Korea. There are some who do not consider friendship as important as others, but as far as I am concerned, people who do are more attractive than those who ignore it, because the former are likely to be more thoughtful and considerate to people surrounding them. With that said, the girl keeping you awake at night must be quite an attractive and good person indeed. I would like to propose three options for you:

Women are always dumbfounded when men do not fall madly in love with them, especially when they deserve it. Keeping a friendly distance may actually attract her to you over time.

1. Date her. This depends on her friend’s feelings towards you and if you are able to convince the girl to see you for who you are, not as her friend’s ex-boyfriend. To get this special girl to agree (or at least agreeable!), open up, share much time and all your concerns with her. This could be a win-win solution but it also has lots of risks, as you can expect.

2. Remain friends. If she is a great person, she will bring much joy to your life just by staying in it. Now this is where strategy is important (please keep in mind that the following suggestion is optimized for the inquiring man and does not take into consideration the women involved). Women are always dumbfounded when men do not fall madly in love with them, especially when they deserve it. Keeping a friendly distance may actually attract her to you over time. In the meantime, pursue hobbies, travels and other girls. Dating other women will help you not to focus too much of your energy on her. While you are improving yourself, she will find herself becoming more attracted to you.

3. Stay away. In situations like this, I recommended this approach with most confidence. Take one step away from her, and find someone new. If you show too much interest in her, it can cause awkwardness between her and her friend. If you start a relationship, the girls can even become estranged. The worst place to be sandwiched is between two angry women.

About Engineer

S.J. Kang and J.W. Lee are native Korean engineers. They’re super smart and they can analyze problems like it’s their job...because it is. They also happen to be single. Send inquires to engineer@seoulistmag.com.

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