Not Running With Him? You May Be a Spare Tire.

Q:
Dear Engineer,
I have been “on-and-off” friends with this guy for over a couple years. We go through times of closeness and intimacy, followed by dry spells where we don’t see each other for weeks. He now knows that I had a crush on him (and still do sometimes) and yet he has never made the move to pursue me. Should I continue to meet with a “friend’ who sends me mixed signals?

Flustered & Frustrated, 29

This is the Spare Tire Theory at its best; he keeps you in the trunk and brings you out only when he really needs you. When he’s not with you, he’s probably running on other wheels.

A:
Dear F+F,
Oftentimes, out of jeong (정) or necessity, people are likely to keep their exes or someone they have some kind of “history” with near themselves. This situation could be a self-defense system on his part; as he keeps in touch with you, he fills a void left behind by other relationships. Or even worse, this is the Spare Tire theory at its best; he keeps you in the trunk and brings you out only when he really needs you. When he’s not with you, he’s probably running on other wheels (read: girls). So, I recommend that you do not go beyond what is expected from a friend. In fact, take one step away from him if you can. But that is easier said than done, of course. The actions of the heart is hardly controlled by the direction of the brain.

About Engineer

S.J. Kang and J.W. Lee are native Korean engineers. They’re super smart and they can analyze problems like it’s their job...because it is. They also happen to be single. Send inquires to engineer@seoulistmag.com.

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