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Dear Engineer

The Game of Tag

Forget Abby! Run your issues by our Korean engineers who can objectively analyze and rationalize any problem.

Our resident engineers are back to weigh in on everybody's favorite topic, love and relationships.

Q:
Dear Engineer,

I recently became close to a Korean native who was educated abroad. I hung out with him last Monday and I thought it went great. We walked around for three hours and really connected. Afterwards, he left me a facebook message and telling me that he had a good time. He bought me lunch, and when I tried to pay, he said that I could buy lunch “next time.” Now, it’s been a week already but no phone call, no message, etc. Did he forget me? How long should I wait before contacting him? Do guys like a girl who is more direct?

Tired of Games, 26

A proper reaction at an opportune time can only further the possibility of a relationship. The tricky part is getting the timing part down.

A:
Dear Tired,

Two possible scenarios come to mind: The first one is that he’s lost that chemistry or spark with you for some reason. The good news is that this is a quick and relatively painless process—if you’re not too attached already. The second possibility is a bit trickier: he wants to know just how good of an impression he’s made on you. The ball’s in your court.

Scenario A is common. He could have met someone else, or he just lost interest in you over time. In this case, you don’t need an engineer to tell you to move on. If your situation is closer to Scenario B (i.e., he doesn’t seem to have lost interest completely), it’s fine to contact him first, and immediately. Sometimes guys feel the need to gauge a girl’s level of interest by testing them first. There’s nothing to lose by following up on that lunch date. No response? No worries, you’re just back to Square One.

The older and more jaded you become, you’ll find it harder to find an immediate connection with a member of the opposite sex. So, when a guy shows obvious signs of “like”, it’s worth responding to. Whether a girl is direct or not is not a big deal for a guy if he’s interested in her; but of course, being too direct can rub some people the wrong way. A proper reaction at an opportune time can only further the possibility of a relationship. The tricky part is getting the timing part down. Finally, I urge you to use your head, but don’t be too calculating when it comes to relationships. There are already enough “foxy” Korean girls doing that…

S.J. Kang

About the author

S.J. Kang + J.W. Lee

S.J. Kang and J.W. Lee are native Korean engineers. They’re super smart and they can analyze problems like it’s their job...because it is. They also happen to be single. Send inquires to engineer@seoulistmag.com.

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